The four of us, and particularly Biggles, just had a rather shocking experience. For the sake of public decency there aren’t any photos of the actual event, but please note this post contains content of an adult nature and depictions of profound psychological trauma.
Biggles just had a monstrous erection. You know the tedious bits in the Bible where there’s a whole lot of begatting? Well by the look of his equipment Biggles could have done it all himself and still been finished in time for supper. Here’s the whole 18-rated story.
The morning started with a great park session. The last couple of days we’ve been walking them separately because when they’re together, they run off on a great adventure that gives us the willies really stresses us out. It works like this: I give Beanie some offlead running for a bit while Susan gives Biggles an on-lead walkabout, then we swap. Anyway, this morning Beanie had some good chases with Rannoch and Sophie, and in his offlead session Biggles actually took the lead in a brilliant chase with Penny, Rannoch, Sophie and others. The two of them had a great time, didn’t run off, and came back ready for a good nap in their crates. Perfect.
Around lunchtime I could see them stirring, so I let them out, took them downstairs for a loo break, then put them in their “run” outside our office. As I sat at my PC typing away, I could hear a bit of argy-bargy going on. This is normal, and in many ways welcome because in our house silence may be golden, but it’s nearly always naughty too. Well, about fifteen minutes later things went quiet, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Biggles standing motionless on the other side of the baby gate. I got up to check things out.
Biggles was not a happy chappy. He looked kind of hunched, his tail was down, and he had a bewildered expression on his face. Beanie was in her basket, watching him intently, apparently concerned. Had he injured himself during play somehow? I studied him for a few seconds, and then my eyes locked on something that didn’t belong in this picture. In fact the only place it would belong is in a really explicit porn movie. I didn’t actually measure it, but we’re talking easily four inches of angry red sausage. It didn’t look right to me. I’ve seen dogs having a horny moment before, but this.. this was unnatural. I called Susan over for a look but she wasn’t keen on getting anywhere near it. “He’s a boy, you’re boy, it’s your job.”
I watched quietly for a moment to see if London Bridge was about to fall down, but it seemed quite intent on holding it’s current position. Given all the health scares we’ve had with Beanie, there was one obvious course of action. Susan picked up the phone and called the 24hr helpline that comes with Biggles’ insurance. The conversation that followed was… difficult, for want of a better word. But the veterinary nurse on the other end of the line assured us that it was normal, although given his age, Biggles was probably quite a highly sexed little boy. By the time the call was over, Biggles’ monstrous member had retracted and the panic was over. Shortly afterwards he fell into a deep sleep in his basket, adopting his usual position:
One mystery remains of course: what caused Biggles to have this Mother of All Erections in the first place? Well I can only guess it was Beanie. You see for some time their play has involved Biggles humping Beanie’s head while she twangs his joy department. It’s a painful thing to watch, but not half as painful as seeing that monstrosity this afternoon. I think the four of us are going to need therapy to recover from this one.
THANKS FOR THAT,IT HAS GIVEN ME THE BEST LAUGH I HAVE HAD FOR AGES.HOW ARE YOU GOING TO LIVE THAT ONE DOWN [CALLING THE VET].
I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS NORMAL.[THATS YOUR BOY]
Thanks guys for this amusing story,all I can say is I wouldn’t like to see you two around a mating taking place, you would probably both faint!Someone has to hold the bitch up and stop her from sitting down when they are ‘in a tie’ otherwise that monstrous thing you witnessed would be seriously damaged!!!(ouch…) At least you gave the vet nurse an ‘out of the ordinary’ shift,something to cheer her up!! At least it happened behind closed doors.Now Paul, I hope you know it’s YOUR job to sit down and tell Biggles all about the birds and the bees…
Jan, all I can say is I’m glad Paul didn’t disclose the actual conversation with the vet nurse!
I tried phoning you first Kathleen, and Marion (Biggles breeder). But look on the bright side – at least we didn’t rush Biggles to the emergency vet in the middle of the night with an erection :) (this time…..)
Poor little boy keeps checking to make sure nothing’s hanging out :)
Seems like I was right give Biggles the nickname “Big Les”
Well Biggles, your mum won’t need to buy lipstick for a while. Does your mum phone the doc when it’s your dad’s turn?
Sheila, if “Dad” was standing with his XXXX trailing on the floor the way Biggles’ was yesterday believe me I’d be phoning more than the doc!!!!
Very funny!!! Will need to keep an eye on him with Tara and Clara. At almost 8 months they could go into season anytime (hopfeully not silent season).
It’s something that’s crossed our mind Louise! Not specifically with Tara & Clara, but when you have a ‘highly sexed’ puppy playing off-lead every day you have to consider the strong possibility that sooner or later he’ll pick up the scent of a bitch on heat and leg it!!!!
Not something we want when we’re working so hard to make sure he doesn’t develop typical Beagle wandering habits! :)
We’ll be keeping a VERY close eye. And counting the days until he gets the snip!
Beanie started attracting the boys before she was six months old. We got her in for the op as soon as she turned 6 months and having seen the problems others have had with seasons, phantom pregnancies and more drastic later spaying ops we’re very happy we did! She sailed through the procedure and we have the peace of mind of knowing that she’s got the best possible chance of a long healthy life.
Biggles is booked in to get the snip in about three weeks time. It’ll be a nervous 3 week wait – we considered keeping him on-lead until after the op, but we think his develpment and confidence would take a big hit. And he would be miserable.
hOPE YOU KNOW EVEN WITH THE SNIP,HE CAN STILL MATE A BITCH AND STILL BE INTERESTED,MAYBE NOT QUITE AS MUCH,,ONLY THING THEIR SHALL BE NO PUPPIES.HE SHALL OUT GROW BEING QUITE SO RANDY,IT JUST HIS HORMONES JUST NOW.MY OLD BOY HAD THE SNIP FOR PROSTRATE TROUBLE AND EVEN IN HIS 17 YEAR WAS WILLING TO OBLIGE THE BITCHES ,SO MUCH SO i WAS WORRIED HE WOULD TAKE A HEART ATTACK.
Just as long as there’s no hanky-panky with my little princess ! :) There’ll be none of that under my roof. :) Judging by the look of shock on her face yesterday she’ll be giving him a wide berth.
I don’t think he’s quite figured it out yet. We started seeing a big change in him a week or two ago (about 4.5 months old). He started cocking his leg…..everywhere (not in the house fortunately). And he seems bolder and more grown up. He’s leading chases in the park instead of being the little boy tagging along and getting ignored by everyone. Beanie likes him more too. He’s a best buddy now instead of a pesky little brother.
But he’s still humping the wrong end, and it’s only Beanie he does it to.
Any reduction in the urge to roam will be very welcome. He started showing signs at about the same time he started cocking his leg, but now we’re walking them separately – 45 mins onlead / 45 mins off each morning. We do loads of recal and other training and games while they’re onlead (extender lead so we can enforce it) and it’s really getting results. They’ve been as good as gold the last couple of days – sticking to us like glue both on-lead and off.
Another problem we’d had in the past couple of weeks when they were off-lead together is a kind of pack behaviour. Biggles and Beanie start it and get all the other dogs involved. Then they gang up on timid dogs …. which we’re not prepared to put up with. It’s just a game to Beanie and Biggles, but they get other, more aggresive dogs wound up. Have you seen this kind of thing with any of yours?