Breathe it all in Dad, it’s good for you…

I realize that the subject of flatulence comes up pretty regularly in my posts, but in my defense it is a core Beagle pastime, and what’s more there’s research suggesting that it’s actually good you:

http://www.exeter.ac.uk/news/research/title_393168_en.html

We’ve always known that there are benefits for the player of the anal trumpet; I mean no-one wants their intestines to explode due to catastrophic build-up of pressure, right? But now it seems that the often unwilling inhaler of the botty-boom can also experience health benefits, because the primary gas involved (hydrogen sulphide) has beneficial effects on cell mitochondria. Or to put it another way, our farty Beagles might just be lowering our chances of suffering from stroke, heart failure, diabetes, arthritis and dementia.

Unfortunately one thing I noticed in the above article is that the professor behind the research talks about releasing the whoopee gas “slowly” and in “very small amounts”. I’m pretty sure that Biggles (in particular) and Beanie have different ideas from the Prof about what this means…

Anyway, to raise this latest post at least part way out of the gutter, here are some shots from our first proper garden play session of 2015. Since the start of the year our rear lawn has been flooded, pelted by hail, deep-frozen and ravaged by gale-force winds but now – finally – we’re getting some less extreme weather and the toys are out!

Bum snuggles are dead easy to get in our house. For example, this morning in bed I had a big white bum in my armpit, and all I had to do to get this was open Biggles’ crate, wait for him to trot over to my side of the bed, and lift the covers a bit. Pretty much anytime I feel like a nap on the sofa and leave a bit of space for a Beagle, it’ll be the bum end that’ll be closest to my head. Now don’t get me wrong – given the choice between a bum-end Beagle snuggle and no snuggle at all, I’ll take the bum end – but it does have its drawbacks:

• Beagle farts are more keenly experienced when delivered close to one’s nose
• During a stretch there’s a higher risk of getting a foot in your mouth
• A tail going up your nose can be quite tickly

Head-end snuggles avoid most of these problems, but historically they’ve been very difficult to come-by. This last week however, Susan has been consistently achieving head-end cuddles with the Bigglet, and I’m jealous.

The head-end cuddle: truly the holy grail of Beagle snuggling

She’s given me the opportunity to “borrow” a cuddle she’s set up a few times, but mostly our attempts to switch places without disturbing his lordship have failed; Biggles comes out of his snooze, does a 180 and I get left with the bum again. On one occasion it went smoothly, but Beanie saw what was happening, became jealous herself, and we ended up having a three-way tug game with Biggles’ blanket.

Beanie may be the most cuddle-averse Beagle in the history of Beagles, but when Biggles is getting something she isn’t, then there’s going to be trouble!

Perhaps if we can make her jealous enough, even Beanie may succumb to the head-end snuggle eventually. For now though we’ll just have to be satisfied with stealth hugs when she’s licking spilled food off our clothes, or is otherwise occupied with her suspicious chicken toy.

If the storms we had before Christmas can be called a “weather bomb”, then what we’re currently enduring has to be a “weather nuke”. Here’s what nearby Troon looked like at high tide the other night:

Of course the thing about having doggies – especially doggies who like their exercise – is that we can’t stay huddled up inside, hoping that the roof stays attached to the house. Nope, we’ve got to get out there and give the little beggars their walkies!

I’d always rather run than walk when the weather is foul, and over the last week I’ve had the dubious pleasure of jogging along the beach against 30+ mph winds, and that’s at the calmest times of the day. Ordinarily Beanie & especially Biggles really like windy outings – they get extra frisky and have loads of madcap chases when I let them offlead. Unfortunately the current winds have also been accompanied by near-horizontal rain and hail, and that is something that our two Beagles aren’t so keen on. On the return leg of our most recent run they were pressed against each other and trying to use me as shelter as we struggled to back to the car. Little surprise then that Biggles has been pulling a disappearing act at walkies time!

Where’s Biggles? Hiding in the spare duvet in our wardrobe, that’s where.

Even ordinary walks have become difficult. The roads and pavements are strewn with rubbish from overturned bins and Beanie considers it her solemn duty to pick up and attempt to speed-swallow every last bit of it. Every few yards I have to stop and whip off my gloves to extract Beanie’s latest acquisition from her jaws.

We’re free of such problems if we stick to the country lanes, but then again they have hazards of their own. The other day we were picking our way through some fallen tree debris when Biggles suddenly reared up on his back legs, his little face filled with horror as he held up one his front paws, barely daring to look at it. Remember that scene in Terminator 2 when the T-1000 loses his hand to the liquid nitrogen and regards the stump in open-mouthed shock? That was Biggles. For a second he had me convinced that he’d really injured himself, but then I remembered the last time we saw such an extreme reaction from him. Yes, I’m talking about the fateful day Beanie’s squeaky squirrel tug toy briefly wrapped itself around one of his legs during a play session. Now I don’t want to imply that Biggles is hopelessly soft, but suffice to say that the  paw situation was resolved by extracting a small piece of twig from between his toes and rubbing his tootsies better for a second or two.

Even as Biggles recuperates from his encounter with the demon twig, the forecasts warn that the stormy conditions will continue well into next week. What new horrors lay ahead for my stoic little boy?