Recently we called on our Heelwork To Music Trainer Heather Smith to give us a hand getting Beanie to behave herself in the presence other girl doggies. Heather’s methods have already worked wonders with Biggles, and we’re hopeful that we’ll get the same results for the Beanster.

The first session was all about gently but firmly letting Beanie know who’s boss when other females are around, and managing the introductions so they don’t get off to a bad start. It went very well, and the next day we bought “proper” control leads from Pets At Home that have enough length to let you loop them across the dog’s chest (yeah, I know, there’s always an excuse for a trip to the pet shop). We actually broke the new leads out of their packaging and used them while we were walking around the store with our little vandals. They worked brilliantly; within a few seconds our two were no longer straining to get at everything on the shelves, although when my concentration lapsed Biggles did get to nibble the corner off a huge bag of biscuits. Nobody saw him do it though, so it’s just our little secret.

On the way home from the store we felt like true pack leaders. We’d finally turned the corner; from now on we’d be the ones in charge in our home. No more wailing if we’re late with a walk or puppy nosh, and no more embarrassingly vigorous humping sessions from Beanie when one of us has crashed out on the sofa!

Of course you can probably guess what’s coming. I’d barely put away our control leads when I heard a boinging session in progress in the kitchen. When I got there I found Beanie & Biggles demolishing a pack of cream crackers. In about 10 seconds they’d consumed about 2/3 of the packet. That has to be some kind of record – I mean I can’t eat more than two in a row before my chewing gear grinds to a halt, desperately in need of lubrication. I guess it helps if you bypass the chewing process and just swallow.

Since then we’ve lost 2 toilet rolls, a kitchen roll, a couple of tea towels and there’s a big hole in the rear lawn. On top of that, Biggles did two pees in last night’s heelwork to music class. I wasn’t there (Susan took him), but apparently Biggles kind of excused himself, trotted into an adjoining room and let loose with a power widdle before cheerily returning as if nothing had happened. Initially Heather gave Susan a single sheet of kitchen roll to clean it up. I’ve seen the adverts for the extra absorbent kitchen towels – you know the ones – “one sheet does plenty”. Yeah right! One sheet does sweet FA when Biggles has emptied himself! Later in the class he did it again, just to prove that he could. I guess what you win on the swings, you lose on the roundabouts..