I’ve been trying to improve my running speed despite a series of niggling injuries, and my current favorite workout is “30:20:10”. You start with a warmup, then jog for 30seconds, run at race pace for 20 secs, and sprint all out for 10 secs. Repeat this a few times, then jog for a couple of minutes to recover and do it all again. And again. Since you’re always changing pace the training session flies by, and there’s none of the anticipation/dread that normally builds up prior to a more conventional speed workout. The problem – as ever – is finding the time to get all this training in whilst still doing work and other daily routines like dog walks. With that in mind I decided to combine one of my 30:20:10 workouts with my weekly 10k with Beanie & Biggles on the beach.

It was a brave decision given that structured exercise and Beagles generally don’t mix well. In the past I’ve taken Beanie & Biggles along on hill sprint sessions and ended up either grinding to a halt half way up the hill with my legs tied up in their leads, or arse-surfing down the hill when they decided that my recovery jog to the bottom should be a desperate sprint. This time however, things went smoothly. Beanie, and especially Biggles, quickly settled into the rhythm of the workout.

After the first couple of repetitions I started adding a verbal cue to each phase: “Easy!” for the jog, “Running Pace!” for the next gear and “Turbo!” for the sprint. There are no prizes for guessing which part my two pups liked the most! Every time I shouted “Turbo!” Biggles would bay his head off and shoulder-charge his galloping sister.

Adding to the fun & stimulation of the constantly changing pace were the many obstacles that the tide had deposited on the beach. We regularly had to leap over tree trunks and branches, and there was also a car seat (!!??), a microwave (with missing door), a green wellie, the rear section of an old CRT-style TV and an assortment of holed tubs and buckets to go over and around. At one point we had to cross a stream made by a sewer or drain outlet. Beanie and Biggles leapt across in perfect sync, while I couldn’t quite make the distance and got a soaking wet foot. Fortunately a subsequent sniff test of my shoe discounted the theory that the stream was run-off from a sewer, so no harm was done. By the time we got back home I felt that I’d drained my batteries pretty well, and I figured that Beanie and Biggles would happily nap the afternoon away leaving me in peace to get some work done. That’s probably how it would have turned out too, if hadn’t been for a spot of drama over Biggles’ “cot”.

The cot came into being when a spare duvet was temporarily dumped into one of the baskets in the living room, instantly turning it into the most sumptuous Beagle bed ever.

It didn’t take long for the duvet to get a bit grubby, but a bit of muck never bothered a Beagle!

Biggles immediately took a shine to this new super-luxury bed, so we started referring to it as his “cot”. Initially this didn’t cause any conflict because the ever-antisocial Beanie prefers to be up on a sofa securely wrapped in her blanket, only emerging from her cocoon to empty an unguarded cup of tea or vacuum up the crumbs left from a TV-dinner. Today however, perhaps still feeling the stimulation of the beach run, it suddenly occurred to Beanie that she might be missing out and things quickly got noisy. She complained at Biggles solidly for ten minutes, then when he left the basket (either to escape her moaning or for a drink, I’m not sure which) she climbed in and tried to claim it. He responded by woofing of course. When that didn’t work he lured her into a play fight which sent cups and remote controls flying and left the hall rug at a very jaunty angle. Tails were pulled, ears were nibbled and eardrums were burst before we eventually got the two of them to calm down. The end result? Well Beanie was cocooned on the sofa once again, and Biggles was back in his cot. He looked so sweet in there that Susan commented she should really have a teddy bear to cuddle. Well we didn’t have a teddy bear to hand, but we did have “Toby” the little soft toy Beagle, so…

He genuinely seemed to like having his little cuddly companion with him in the basket

Even holding on to it with his paws as he rolled over

Beanie of course wasn’t impressed by any of this, and Toby had another brush with death when she got hold of him..

Little Miss Jealous-Belly plots her revenge

And has a Hannibal Lecter moment..

Happily Toby escaped undamaged, which is more than I can say for Biggles’ street cred.  Do other four year old adult male Beagles like sleeping with a Beagle-teddy?

Beanie & Biggles like routines.

There’s the morning routine, where they get let out of their crates to have a snuggle with us in bed before we all get up.

Then of course there’s the mealtime routine. Very popular this one! The two of them wait impatiently outside the kitchen for nosh to be served up in their bowls. Once the food-maker emerges from the kitchen, Beanie immediately runs to her allocated spot in the hall and sits down very neatly. Biggles tries to do likewise, but more often than not feels the need to make a single jubilant “boing” (bouncing jump) at his bowl first. Once they’re both in position there’s a ten hour “leave” exercise (that’s ten hours in Beagle time, or about 5 seconds in human time) before they get the “OK” to tuck in.

At the end of the day there’s the bedtime routine, comprising of:

1. toothbrushing (which is tolerated, more or less, in return for a cube of dried fish skin from Fish4Dogs),
2. a trip into the garden for a final loo visit. Although he’s now 4 years old we still have to remind Biggles to “do his business” as he trots out of the door for this, otherwise he forgets what he’s being sent out to do and we end up having an emergency repeat loo visit during the night.
3. the presentation of half a Dentastix each in their crates. They race each other into their crates for this, charging over, under or through anything that’s between them and their bedtime treat. Once in their crates, Beanie sits dutifully in the middle of her bed but Biggles, again overcome by excitement, has to keep sticking his head out of the crate for a quick peek to make sure that his treat is coming.

Now however there’s a new routine for them to master. It can come at any time of the day, but is always signaled by the words “What day is it?”. Yep, we got a doggy advent calendar from The Beagles Bakery.

The calendar’s made of fabric, with a little pocket for each day in the countdown to Christmas

The pockets smell good..

Really good!

But this isn’t a “help yourself” deal! You have to wait for the humie to do all the fiddly ribbon removal

Then you have to wait again for the tasty treats to be removed from their cellophane wrappers. Ideally this wait is done in a sit, but sometimes it just smells so good that.. well, BOING!

Recently I saw a 50-item doggy “bucket list” making the rounds and wondered how many things Beanie & Biggles had already covered. Let’s see…

1. Flop down in front of a roaring fire
   Nope. Haven’t set fire to anything (yet)
2. Swim in the sea
   Tick! Though we’re only prepared to do this if sufficiently motivated, e.g. if we’re chasing a bird or a horse
3. Play in the snow
   How can you live in Scotland and not have done this? Tick & Tick & Tick!!!
4. Dig up a flower bed
   Biggles is a bit behind the curve on this, but Beanie’s a past master. Anything that gets planted in our garden has to be heavily protected by fencing otherwise little Miss Brown Paws will certainly rip it up.
5. Redecorate a room using the “Beethoven” technique
   Sadly this is a fail for both our two, but Beagles don’t really have the right kind of fur to do this properly. However, Beanie likes to rub herself along the skirting board when she’s mucky, and Biggles has stripped the paint off some of our cupboards with his attempts to open them. Does that count?
6. Have your own spot on the sofa
   Come on, they are Beagles after all. Tick. Obviously.
7. Accompany owner on a run
   This is a regular fixture for Beanie & Biggles, though they have to run on lead due to uncontrollable naughty tendencies
8. Attend a family picnic
   This item doesn’t specify whether the picnic belongs to their own family, or some other one. Fortunately however you interpret it, they’ve got this one covered.
9. Help owner get a date
   Nope. If a Beagle manages to get a date or any other kind of fruit, said Beagle will simply consume it on the spot instead of sharing it with their owner.
10. Lift owner’s spirits on a bad day
    Tick. Beagles are natural entertainers! What’s more, Beanie always comes running with her tail on turbo wag if either of us ever gets injured. After all, an injured humie is less able to protect their pockets from a good rummaging.
11. Visit a different continent
    Does a trip to Arran count?
12. Roll in a really mucky puddle
    Nope. No self-respecting Beagle would want to roll in a puddle! But a roll in fox poo or a rotting sheep carcass? Now you’re talking!
13. Ruin a pair of shoes
    Tick. But why stop at shoes? Socks, pants (inner and outer), coat pockets, gloves, rucksacks, the list goes on…
14. Sleep in a humie’s bed
    Tick. Every morning.
15. Wake owner with a big wet kiss
    Beanie & Biggles don’t really do kisses in the traditional doggy sense, but Beanie likes to prod our faces with her nose, and Biggles once left a wet ring of anal gland juices on my t-shirt (while I was wearing it).
16. Chase a cat during a dream
    Cats, sheep, socks and postmen have probably all been dream-chased by our two.
17. Learn “sit” in a foreign language
    No, but food is a universal language. Pull out anything tasty and their bottoms will hit the deck (but probably not for long)
18. Join in a humie’s football game
    Not yet, but Biggles in particular has the necessary skills thanks to his Trieball training.
19. Meet a famous dog
    Yes, kind of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/27172079@N08/4823945831/in/set-72157624447787375/
20. Have a go at dancing
    They’ve both had a go at Heelwork to Music, and Beanie’s even dabbled in Poopwork to Music
21. Convince your owner you can howl English words
    They’re hounds, but they haven’t really done any howling as such.
22. Get filthy within 30 minutes of a bath
    What’s a bath?
23. Howl along with your favourite song
    Does baying over the sound of the TV count?
24. Ride in an open top car
    Nope. And if they ever do, they’ll be in their harnesses and strapped down tight, ‘cos they are certainly daft enough to jump out of a moving car.
25. Learn to skateboard
    No skateboarding, but they can balance on a gym ball reasonably well!
26. Have a personalised Christmas stocking
    Of course they have. And soon they’ll have their own advent calendar..
27. Give the postie a righteous woofing
    Pfff! What self-respecting Beagles hasn’t?
28. Be a ring bearer at a wedding
    Seriously, you’d trust a Beagle not to swallow the ring?
29. Try to follow a squirrel up a tree
    I think our two are secretly afraid of squirrels. Any time they’ve crossed paths with one, they’ve made a point of pretending not to notice it. Oh the shame…
30. Go to work with your owner
    If that were to happen, it would be immediately followed by a P45
31. Have your own presence online
    You’re reading it!
32. Romp though a forest
    If a heavily wooded park counts, then yes.
33. Have a personalised kennel
    They’ve even had one built to their own specifications
34. Ride on a boat
    Yes, although the seating arrangements left something to be desired
35. Play frisbee on the beach
    Tick, though we did chew it a bit.
36. Receive your own birthday card
    Biggles has, and it was edible!
37. Steal someone’s lunch when they’re not looking
    Biggles waits until you’re not looking, but Beanie doesn’t care, she’ll just shock-and-awe her way to an extra lunch
38. Watch the washing machine for a whole cycle
    No, but Biggles has nicked socks from the tumble dryer
39. Eat doggy ice cream
    They’ve had doggy beer, but not doggy ice cream. Have to see what we can do about that…
40. Create a diversion and steal another dog’s dinner
    Who needs a diversion?
41. Run a doggy marathon
    No marathons, but they’ve done plenty of 5Ks and 10Ks
42. Receive a doggy birthday cake
    Of course!
43. Rip the stuffing out of a pillow or cushion
    Bizarrely, no cushions or pillows have been lost so far. It’s a very different story for duvets however.
44. Unwrap birthday presents
    And Christmas presents too!
45. Watch Lassie on TV
    Lassie? Who wants to watch a film about a Collie with gender confusion? Underdog is the viewing choice for the discerning Beagle!
46. Be in a family portrait
    Scores of ’em
47. Have an argument with your own reflection
    No, in fact Beanie & Biggles have never shown any interest in their reflections. But Biggles has often had a conversation with his own echo.
48. Be a regular at the local pub
    They have been in a few pubs, but we never take them back to the same one. You can probably guess why…
49. Star in a YouTube video
    How about this and this? Tick!
50. Sleep in a posh dog hotel
    Well, they’ve been in a hotel that allows dogs. I don’t know if you’d call the Travel Inn posh though. It certainly wasn’t posh after our visit!

There are a few things missing from this list though:

• Eat human poo? Tick!
• Shred a phone book?

  

  Tick!

• Almost swallow a used tampon? Tick!
• Eat half a kilo of grapes without chewing a single one of them, then vomit the whole lot back up on the floor of the emergency vet? Tick..
• Witness a sunrise from the top of a mountain? Tick!
• Manage to chew and lick a damaged pad on your rear foot no matter what size of “lampshade” collar you happen to be wearing?

  

  

  Tick!

That last one was accomplished this week. Biggles turned what was originally a little graze on a pad into an open wound by incessant licking and chewing, so we broke out the posh blue Elizabethan collar we’d used on Beanie just a few weeks before. It denied him access to his foot for maybe two minutes before he found a technique for defeating it, so I took him to the local Pet Shop to get a bigger one. We ended up with the second largest size – the biggest one that could still be tightened sufficiently around his neck, and yet within a a couple of hours he’d worked out how to beat that too.  As a fallback I’d also bought a little strap-on doggy boot so I put that on him too, hoping that the combination of the lampshade and the boot would keep his foot safe. Wrong! He stood there with his foot raised, looking very sorry for himself, and when I eventually coaxed him into taking a step with it the movement can best be described as a cross between Michael Jackson doing the “moon walk” and John Cleese in the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch. Seconds later he’d somehow pulled the boot off, so epic failure there.

With the pad wound steadily growing in size we finally took him to the vet who gave us a highly effective cream and an even larger “lampshade”. This one would look fine on a Labrador, but on Biggles it’s positively huge and he doesn’t allow for the extra clearance it needs when he’s walking. Whenever he’s on the move in the house it’s “BONK! BONK!” as he bangs into things and knocks them over. What’s more, he’s still managed to get at his foot a couple of times even through the collar, but it’s held him off just enough to let his foot heal. He’s now back to walking outside, albeit with a thick coating of Musher’s Secret on his pad for protection.