Beanie’s Great Balaclava Adventure

Our Easter weekend was spent making a very early morning visit to our favorite mountain: The Cobbler, or Ben Arthur as it is also known.  We never tire of it! It has everything you could want from a hillwalk if you’ve got two pesky Beagles: a safe, easy-to-follow route that is nevertheless a decent workout, great views, and seemingly little chance of bumping into sheep or deer. Even though we’re very familiar with The Cobbler, it is still a mountain, and as such it demands a certain amount of respect and preparation. On Saturday we packed up all the essentials – clothing, a blankie for sitting on, human/doggy first aid stuff, torches and batteries, water – and of course the all important OMEK (On Mountain Entertainment Kit). What goes into an OMEK you might ask? Well the the exact make-up varies from occasion to the next, but this time it contained:

  • A big handful of small-bite dog biccies from Tesco
  • A few odd pieces of paddywack
  • Four twisted rawhide strips, and the same number of dried fish cubes from Fish4Dogs

The only thing we needed now was sleep. Allowing time for the drive to Arrochar and a leisurely ascent with some photo opportunities, I calculated that we’d have to leave the house at about 1:30am; that should get us to the top comfortably before sunrise at 6:40-ish am. Unfortunately Saturday evening was unexpectedly bright and sunny, definitely not the kind of weather that helps you nod off early. Even the Beagles had a bit of trouble napping.

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It’s 8pm and with a maximum of only 5 hours or so sleep possible before we leave, Beanie’s a member of the (mostly) wide awake club

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OK, Biggles is asleep here, but only because he’s just been out into the garden and had a vigorous long distance conversation with the farm collie. Five minutes later he was awake again and throwing his blankie around.

I tried everything I could think of to induce sleep. Dim lights and soothing music? Not a hope. A Star Trek movie I must have seen dozens of times? Well, to be fair I did lose consciousness briefly during a couple of scenes, but not enough to qualify as sleep. I even tried a bit of reverse psychology and played through three back-to-back episodes of Game of Thrones I’d recorded that I really wanted to see (don’t you always nod off when you really want to stay awake?) But I saw them all, and the ad breaks too, every last minute of them. Susan fared even worse; she’d gone to bed with Titanic playing on the laptop. I honestly can’t think of a single time Susan has made it all the way through a movie – whether at home or even at the cinema – without catching some zzzzs, but this time she didn’t drop off once. Departure time arrived all too soon, and we headed off with almost no sleep in the bank.

The tiredness that had eluded Susan hit her full force by the time we reached Arrochar. She just couldn’t fight through it, and decided to nap in the car. Hardened by years of sleep deprivation as a software programmer, I was still good to go, but the question was this: should I go alone, leaving Beanie & Biggles in the car (easier and safer), or take them with me. Now this may sound silly to canine behaviorists and non-dog owners, but I love the idea that my two Beagles get to see wonders of nature at crazy times of the day when other doggies and their owners are tucked up in bed. Perhaps it’s true they’d get more enjoyment from sniffing a big pile of horse manure on a regular walk than seeing a sunrise from a mountain top, but here’s the thing: I didn’t have any horse poo to give them at that moment, but I could give them a sunrise. Decision made.  The three of us headed out into the night.

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Beanie and Biggles illuminated by my head torch

The moon was so bright I barely needed the head torch. As we headed up the winding path I could see a thick mist moving in across Loch Long, but it seemed to be low lying, so we pressed on. I started up a one-sided conversation with Beanie & Biggles as I often do on solo walks. We talked about the contents of the OMEK (this got my pups’ attention several times, even though I did my best to avoid trigger words like “chew” and “biccie”), I voiced my concerns over how the mist seemed to be chasing us up the mountain, and we discussed the difficult subject of which path-side features deserve to be peed on and which don’t. I’ve been observing Beagle peeing habits for more than seven years now and I still can’t reliably predict what objects are going to get a thorough dousing. Apparently neither can Biggles, because on numerous occasions he lifted his leg then thought better of it.

Just as we emerged from the trees – still a little distance from the huge Narnain boulders – the mist caught up with us and visibility dropped almost instantly to ten or twenty metres. Not good. If it didn’t get any higher we’d rise above it as we climbed to the summit; on the other hand if it kept coming, there’d be no point even going to the summit, and it would be unwise to make to the attempt. After a brief discussion with Beanie, who was all for continuing, I decided we’d carry on to the rock “staircase” at the back of The Cobbler and then re-assess. It was a good call, because by the time we reached our first giant-sized boulder the mist had fallen far behind us.

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The Cobbler in silhouette, with an incredibly bright moon behind it, and no clouds or mist in sight

The climb up the staircase to the Cobbler’s central ridge is always the toughest part of the walk – it’s relentlessly steep – but it was even tougher this time; recent snowfall had gone through a series of thaw-freeze cycles leaving a tough, thick coating of super-slick white ice. I had some slip-on crampons with me, but fortunately there were just enough gaps in the ice to let us ascend without needing them. Or I should say that Biggles and I didn’t need them, because we sensibly dodged the white stuff while the Beanster seemed determined to play her own version of snakes and ladders.

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Dawn on The Cobbler [IMG_5602]

When we made it to the ridge the view was just amazing. The sky was just starting to get those beautiful pre-sunrise colors, and the mist had covered everything for miles around. Only the streetlights glowing through the mist hinted at the town below us. I just had to take a couple of shots, but night-time photographs like these are not a quick process. The tripod has to come out, and multiple exposure-bracketed shots have to be taken, each one lasting several seconds at least. Throughout all this the camera must remain perfectly still, which means that any pesky Beagles attached to the photographer also have to remain moderately still. Amazingly Beanie and Biggles obliged, and as a reward they each received a biccie from the On Mountain Entertainment Kit.

That pause for the photographs left me feeling quite shivery. The slight wind and lower temperature from being higher up – coupled with all the sweat I’d released on the climb to the ridge – was cooling me pretty fast and I was looking forward to swapping my damp top for a nice dry thermal when we reached the summit. It was then that I realised I’d forgotten to bring the dog coats. Biggles has lovely thick fur and doesn’t seem to feel the cold much, but Beanie soon starts shivering when she’s still and really needs a coat to keep her core warm. I began considering solutions to this problem as I packed up and headed back onto the short path to the central peak of The Cobbler. I didn’t have a spare tshirt to put on her, and my sweatshirt and jacket would absolutely drown her (leaving me freezing cold into the bargain).

Just as we hit the top I remembered that I had a thermal balaclava stuffed in my camera backpack somewhere. If you’ve never fitted a balaclava onto a little wriggly unhelpful Beagle before, I can recommend it – it’s quite entertaining. It goes on over the head – just as with a human – but then you keep pulling until the furry bonce emerges completely through the face-hole. Next, you have to contort the Beagle in question sufficiently to get both front legs through the face-hole too, before finally pulling the whole thing further down to form a nice wind-proof body warmer. It may not be the height of doggy fashion, but it works.

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Beanie in her balaclava, and Biggles completely au naturel, as they survey the view from the summit

After a few moments Beanie became fascinated with the moon, and sat quietly staring at. The Bigglet on the other hand clearly had no appreciation for such things, and got started on a digging project beside her.

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While the two of them were occupied, I got a couple of shots of the rocky “eye” structure and the surrounding landscape. Technically Susan, myself and the Beagles have never actually made it to the highest point of The Cobbler. To do that, you have to wriggle through the gap in the “eye” and clamber up the other side to the very top. While that’s probably quite easy to do, the thing you have to remember, and the thing that the excellent Walkhighlands site points out, is that you also have to be able to climb back down. Apparently the view down from the top of the eye is the stuff that brown pants are made of, and every so often people freeze and need to be rescued. Definitely not for us!

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As soon as I’d taken those shots, two little photographer’s assistants appeared and demanded payment. Biggles was the ring-leader here; he’s very good at recognizing patterns and when he hears the sound of the shutter, he knows it’s a good time to go begging for treats. They’d been so well behaved up this point that I figured they’d earned a raw-hide chew each. This was very well received, but caused a delay in getting more photos because as everyone knows, you can’t eat a chew just anywhere. Biccies, fish and lumps of chicken can be consumed on the spot, but a chew is different; you have to wander around a bit and find a good place to lay down and really savor it. If that means tieing up your dad and his tripod legs in your leads, then so be it.

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Sunrise!

The next round of photographs were paid for with the fish cubes. They were pretty tasty, but some posed shots with the two B’s holding still and looking in the same direction cost an extra couple of biccies and another round of rawhide chews.

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Sea of Mist [IMG_5250]

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In between shots, photographers assistants often engage in a little digging. This new site looks promising, but who will be the first to make a new pothole on the top of The Cobbler?

Of course you can’t stay on the top of  a mountain indefinitely, even if you have a really well stocked OMEK. I took one last shot, packed up my gear, rounded up my assistants and headed back down. The temperature rose quickly once we got below the summit; I started peeling off my extra layers and helped Beanie to wriggle out of my balaclava.

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Dad, can we go soon? I’m getting seriously bored and I know you’ve run out of chews..

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We made good progress until we reached the rocky, ice-covered stair section again. We picked our way around the ice for a bit, but by the time we were near the bottom I was running out of patience and my knees were complaining. For the final 30 metres or so, I resorted to the time-honored method of sliding down on my backside. Despite my best efforts to decelerate, I was moving faster than Beanie & Biggles could pick their way through the ice, and pulled by their leads, they started sliding too. For the last few yards all three of us were scooting down the slope on our bums together, and I can tell you that my anal glands felt much better afterwards. Scooting really works folks, believe it!

Lost at sea

Whenever I get talking to an owner of a “normal” dog (ie. non-Beagle) and start telling them about all our misadventures (well a few of them, because there have been so many), they never seem to get just how naughty Beanie & Biggles really are. “Yeah, my dog did that once too”. Oh really? But does your dog exercise its naughty muscle so frequently and with such intensity that he or she is basically a furry suicide machine on four legs? And does your dog have an unswerving talent for picking the absolute worst time to push the envelope?

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Even when Beanie’s not being naughty, you can bet she’s thinking about it..

The latest incident occurred on a day when I was physically and mentally done-in. My legs had a bad case of DOMS from the previous day’s gym session, and my head was hurting from wrestling for hours with a computer problem (damn you, Microsoft). Experience has taught me that the best way to recover from both of these ailments is a gentle jog on the beach while listening to relaxing music. And why not combine that with an outing for the dogs?

I prepared for the run just as I normally do: put on plenty of layers to keep the wind-chill at bay, shoved a foil-wrapped package of chicken pieces into my running belt, and loaded fresh music onto my little MP3 playing earphones. I chose Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells III for this run; it’s not his best work by any means, but it’s a good chill-out piece and the perfect remedy for my still-motoring brain. When we arrived at the beach things were looking good. The beach was very quiet so we wouldn’t have any hassles from offlead dogs, I’d remembered my running gloves and beanie (that’s the hat, not the Beagle), and though the weather was cold and windy there was – for once – no storm in progress.

We had the usual bit of scampering, excited woofing and shoulder-barging at the start of the run, but after that the three of us settled into a comfortable, steady pace. I checked my GPS watch and as we passed the first kilometre I decided to let the two munchkins off-lead for a few minutes so they could properly open up their legs. As per our long-established routine I gave them both a taste of chicken, then unhooked The Beanster first. As usual she sprinted off ahead for about 50 yards, then stopped for sniffage. Biggles was next; I could tell he desperately wanted to pull on his lead, but he’s learned that he gets released quicker if he holds still while I fumble with the clip. As soon as he was free he charged at Beanie at full speed, clearly aiming to give her a shoulder-barge to remember. Beanie dodged him a split-second before he hit and gave him her most disdainful “Huh, that brother of mine” look. Of course that look didn’t do anything to dampen Biggles’ playful spirit. He went into an exaggerated playbow, sticking his silly white bottom up in the air, and they both took off on a high-speed chase that quickly ended up right back at my feet for another mouthful of chicken. I fed them and immediately sent them off on another romp: “Go play!”. This time they just ran into the water and splashed around together, staying roughly in line with me as I jogged along. Tubular Bells III had entered one of its “trance” segments, and as I watched Beanie and Biggles playing in the waves I was finally starting to relax. Then Beanie spotted a group of birds further along the shore (not seagulls, because they’re a bit too big and intimidating) and she took off after them with Biggles screeching as he tried to catch her.

If you’ve ever seen me when my Beagles go off on a beach bird hunt, you’ll know that I display several escalating levels of concern which correspond to how far the little buggers have gone away from me, and how long they’ve been away. The first level can be called “watchful but not worried”; I keep running at the same pace, with the package of chicken still in my hand, but my eyes stay glued on the little furry idiots as they take a bit too long to come back. The next level is “mildly irritated”; my pace quickens noticeably, and though you can’t see it, I’ve made the decision that leads will be re-attached when the dynamic duo comes back for the next chick refill. If it becomes a struggle to keep them in sight because they’ve got so far ahead of me, I transition to “somewhat concerned and pissed off”; they could be eating things they shouldn’t or having encounters with other beach users, and it’s going to take a couple of minutes of hard running before I can intervene. This level is marked by the chicken going into my pocket and my speed and breathing rate going into the red. Until this particular day, those three levels of concern was all I had for beach runs.

Newly introduced, level four involves me turning off my music because I’ve now lost sight of Beanie & Biggles altogether and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to hear Biggles’ high pitched baying as he chases after his sister. My running pace actually slows at this level, because I’ve exceeded my lactate threshold for too long.  You could call this level “getting quite worried”. In turns out there’s yet another level beyond this. It doesn’t have a name that can be expressed without using profanity, but its visible characteristics are as follows:

  • I have left the part of the beach that belongs to our home town of Irvine, have passed most of Barassie and am rapidly approaching Troon.
  • I take my MP3 player headset out of my ears and put it round my neck, whereupon (I suspect) a strong gust of wind grabs it and carries it off out to sea without me even noticing.
  • I approach any other beach user I can see and ask them if they’ve seen two crazy Beagles. The answer comes back “no, but I heard this unpleasant noise”.
  • I start running back and forth indecisively because I’m beginning to doubt whether Beanie & Biggles are really daft enough to have come out this far, and wondering if they somehow went up off the beach onto the dunes, or even into town.

Eventually I came across a mother and daughter who were out with their  little terriers. I asked them the “have you seen” question and yes, they’d seen them, still chasing after birds in the surf and even further up the beach. I couldn’t believe that Beanie & Biggles had gone that far, but it was all I had to go on. I headed out diagonally across slippery seaweed-covered rocks toward the very last bit of beach before Troon, and my eyes caught sight of two dots moving at high speed up and down by the water’s edge. I stopped and studied the moving dots for a few seconds; I’d mistaken seagulls for Beagles more than once on my increasingly desperate journey. One dot was ahead of the other most of the time, but on the rare occasions that the slower one caught up, it seemed to swerve into the other dot. Biggles shoulder-barging his sister. It had to be.

I ran towards the dots, and pretty soon I could see that they were also heading towards me. The dots turned into hound-colored doggies with erect tails and silly grins on their faces. I took out my chicken, got the little !£$%&*s back on lead, fed them, and looked at my GPS watch. The numbers confirmed what I already knew: there was a substantial amount of running to be done to get back to the car. Oh well, at least I could put my music back on. Only I couldn’t because as I now discovered, my MP3 player was lost at sea. I pointed myself and my Beagles back towards the other end of the beach and reluctantly started jogging. My legs were really, really toasted by this point. A seven or eight km gentle jog will work wonders for loosening up stiff legs after a hard gym session, but double that and you’re just increasing the punishment. As we passed Barassie a little girl ran towards us from the roadside; it was the same girl who’d pointed me in the direction of Beanie & Biggles, and her mum had very kindly sent her down to me with a bottle of water. Clearly there are some really nice, thoughtful people in Barassie. I thanked her, took a swig myself and offered it to Beanie & Biggles (chasing birds is such thirsty work), then got moving again. It seemed to take an age to get back to the car, and in my knackered state, yep, an age is pretty much how long it took. Even Beanie and Biggles were looking a bit low on batteries towards the end. Beanie had the cheek to give me the “any chance of a carry, Dad?” look that she’d last used during her big adventure on The Merrick. This time she was s-h-1-t out of luck.

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Like I’ve said before it’s fortunate that Beagles are so cute, because if they weren’t their owners would probably throttle the life out of them (always assuming the stupid little buggers didn’t manage to get themselves killed first).