We’ve walked around the Auchincruive estate many times, never realizing that it is in fact an undercover facility dedicated to training sheep in the ancient ways of concealment, espionage, sabotage and assassination. It’s only thanks to the superior senses of Beanie & Biggles that I’m able finally to expose this place for what it really is: a ninja sheep factory.

With the benefit of hindsight I realize that the clues have always been there. The place is like a military assault course; it has steep hills and is packed with obstacles such as fallen trees, muddy bogs and steep drops, all of which appear natural but are in truth deliberately constructed to produce sheep with uncommon agility, speed and endurance.

These tree trunks are the perfect for scrambling over if you’re a sheep. Or a Beagle!!!

A stretch of sticky mud. Ideal for testing leg strength and traction..

An innocent log, or a training aid to improve a sheep’s balancing ability?

A perilous cliff overlooks a stretch of deep water, clearly intended to produce sheep that can swim and climb!

Even with all these clues the four us might still have failed to detect Auchincruive’s hidden purpose. And yet, as we reached the top of another hill, Beanie got the feeling that we were not alone.

We sensory-deprived humies couldn’t see, hear or smell anything untoward, but Biggles agreed with Beanie that there was something here. Something right under our noses, two of which were jet-black, moist and now twitching intently.

Time to sound the alarm!

Still we couldn’t see what all the fuss was about and I was on the verge of declaring this a “Bogus Woofing” when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I strained to focus on the source of the movement and finally spotted, on the river bank below us, a concealed sheep. It must have been some kind of super-sheep to get down there in the first place. That, combined with the fact that I was unable to get any direct shots of it with my camera, was sufficient proof that it was a ninja!

Fearing assassination now that the sheep had been exposed, we hurried away. Between us and the safety of our car lay further obstacles: more fallen trees, bridge crossings, and dangerously narrow trails by the side of a raging torrent..

Come on Mum, that sheep is after us!

I was convinced that highly trained and highly dangerous sheep were waiting to ambush us at every turn and yet, as the sun began to set, we made it back to the starting point of our walk and escaped in the car.

Is a band of ninja sheep hiding round that corner?

Will we live to see another day?

Nearly back to safety!

Yes! Deliverance! And just as well ‘cos it’s time for our tea!

So there you have it. Auchincruive is very pretty, but it’s a breeding ground for some of the most highly trained sheep you’ll ever encounter. Go there at your own risk!