Around this time of year we take Beanie & Biggles on a car ride to sample the very best dog biscuits that money can buy. These things are so special and in such high demand that there is a limit of three biscuits per furry person, at a cost of around £80. Even at this price, those wishing to have their full quota of the connoisseur treats must pass a series of tests covering teeth, heart rhythm and weight, and have a sharp thing poked up their bottom when they’re not looking.

Yep, Beanie and Biggles have been to the vet for their annual check-up and vaccination boosters (which was free) and for a few servings from the admin’s tub of biccies (which cost the aforementioned 80 quid). I’m happy to report that they got a clean bill of health; there was a little staining on their back teeth but nothing actionable, so I guess I’m doing as good a job of cleaning their gnashers as I am my own. It should be noted however that the humie dentist never gives me special biscuits after my check-up, though in fairness she doesn’t stick a needle up my bum either, so I think I’ll just leave it at that.

To celebrate this happy result, I took the pups into our local Pets At Home for a few pig ears. As usual we somehow managed to knock over a couple of stands and make a mess of a display or two while in there, but we still got our ears. The pig ears didn’t cost anywhere near as much as the connoisseur biccies, yet they still caused Beanie to do her “please please please I want it now” dance.

And when it came to actually chomping down on their somewhat repulsive prizes, I can assure you that Beanie & Biggles’ vet-approved gnashers performed admirably :D

Breathe it all in Dad, it’s good for you…

I realize that the subject of flatulence comes up pretty regularly in my posts, but in my defense it is a core Beagle pastime, and what’s more there’s research suggesting that it’s actually good you:

http://www.exeter.ac.uk/news/research/title_393168_en.html

We’ve always known that there are benefits for the player of the anal trumpet; I mean no-one wants their intestines to explode due to catastrophic build-up of pressure, right? But now it seems that the often unwilling inhaler of the botty-boom can also experience health benefits, because the primary gas involved (hydrogen sulphide) has beneficial effects on cell mitochondria. Or to put it another way, our farty Beagles might just be lowering our chances of suffering from stroke, heart failure, diabetes, arthritis and dementia.

Unfortunately one thing I noticed in the above article is that the professor behind the research talks about releasing the whoopee gas “slowly” and in “very small amounts”. I’m pretty sure that Biggles (in particular) and Beanie have different ideas from the Prof about what this means…

Anyway, to raise this latest post at least part way out of the gutter, here are some shots from our first proper garden play session of 2015. Since the start of the year our rear lawn has been flooded, pelted by hail, deep-frozen and ravaged by gale-force winds but now – finally – we’re getting some less extreme weather and the toys are out!

Bum snuggles are dead easy to get in our house. For example, this morning in bed I had a big white bum in my armpit, and all I had to do to get this was open Biggles’ crate, wait for him to trot over to my side of the bed, and lift the covers a bit. Pretty much anytime I feel like a nap on the sofa and leave a bit of space for a Beagle, it’ll be the bum end that’ll be closest to my head. Now don’t get me wrong – given the choice between a bum-end Beagle snuggle and no snuggle at all, I’ll take the bum end – but it does have its drawbacks:

• Beagle farts are more keenly experienced when delivered close to one’s nose
• During a stretch there’s a higher risk of getting a foot in your mouth
• A tail going up your nose can be quite tickly

Head-end snuggles avoid most of these problems, but historically they’ve been very difficult to come-by. This last week however, Susan has been consistently achieving head-end cuddles with the Bigglet, and I’m jealous.

The head-end cuddle: truly the holy grail of Beagle snuggling

She’s given me the opportunity to “borrow” a cuddle she’s set up a few times, but mostly our attempts to switch places without disturbing his lordship have failed; Biggles comes out of his snooze, does a 180 and I get left with the bum again. On one occasion it went smoothly, but Beanie saw what was happening, became jealous herself, and we ended up having a three-way tug game with Biggles’ blanket.

Beanie may be the most cuddle-averse Beagle in the history of Beagles, but when Biggles is getting something she isn’t, then there’s going to be trouble!

Perhaps if we can make her jealous enough, even Beanie may succumb to the head-end snuggle eventually. For now though we’ll just have to be satisfied with stealth hugs when she’s licking spilled food off our clothes, or is otherwise occupied with her suspicious chicken toy.