Frustration-Free Packaging

Posted on January 18, 2016 by Paul

Every now and then our Beagles find themselves at a bit of loose end. Biggles usually resolves this by hunting round the house looking for things to grab. Almost anything will do: clothing (socks preferred of course), packaging, Beanie’s Christmas jumper, even a common blanket. For Beanie – even though she’s now a mature 8 year old lady Beagle – the best way to cure the loose-end blues is always a bit of wanton destruction.

What you see above are the closing stages of a frenzied attack on a (thankfully empty) Amazon box. Very often when we buy something from Amazon they follow up with a pesky email asking us to rate their packaging: was it an appropriate size? did it protect its contents adequately? Never once do they think to ask “did it entertain your Beagle for at least two minutes?” And yet on this occasion it did, which is pretty impressive when you consider that it was the free delivery option.

Equally impressive is that today – only seventeen days into the New year – we had our first Beagle-related scare. It happened in Culzean Country Park while we were walking a section of the Ayrshire Coastal path. It was one of those classic Scottish winter days that only briefly achieved anything worth describing as “daylight”, and once the sun had set somewhere behind all the heavy grey clouds, darkness fell very quickly. Even in winter the dark brings out all kinds of unseen critters, and their scents soon put our Beagles into baying frenzies. I reeled in their leads – for safety, ironically – and as I did so Biggles lunged forward, ripping the handle out of my hand. He took off after a scent with his lead bouncing on the ground behind him; armed with a hand torch, I took off right after him.

We were on a winding woodland path and within just a few seconds I’d lost him. To make matters worse, for the first time in his life Biggles wasn’t baying his head off as he chased his prey. I rounded a corner and was hugely relieved to catch sight of him again. He had his nose hard to the ground and wasn’t moving particularly fast, so I quickened my pace thinking that I could grab his lead. He immediately responded by speeding up, and I realized my best chance of catching him was now to ditch my heavy backpack so I could go at a full sprint. I lost vital seconds fumbling with the straps, and when I finally got moving, I’d lost him completely. I tried to listen for his footfalls and the sound of his lead banging on the path, but any noise he was making was drowned out by Beanie; now some distance behind me, she was baying at full volume as she tried desperately to escape Susan’s grasp and join the chase.

I ran on along the trail as fast as I could until I reached a crossroads. I stopped and listened hard, but again I struggled to hear anything above Beanie’s wailing and my own labored breathing. Which way had Biggles gone? Was he even on a path anymore? Suddenly, and before I’d come to a decision about what to do next, there was a loud rustling noise from behind a nearby bush, and Biggles appeared. He was looking quite distressed and sprinted right to me the instant he saw me. He was clearly relieved when I got hold of him (though not nearly as relieved as I was) and I got the feeling that he hadn’t particularly enjoyed his brief experience of unplanned freedom. In retrospect we think it took him a while to realize he was running free and without the support of his pack; once he did, he got scared and wanted to be reunited with us as quickly as possible. All things considered, we were lucky that it was Biggles who escaped. If it had been Beanie, we’d probably still be out there waiting for her to come back!

I’ll finish this post with a few shots from another walk – on a much brighter day – that didn’t have any Beagle-related dramas.

PIB: Politically Incorrect Beagle

Posted on December 19, 2015 by Paul

A couple of weeks ago the stormy weather was swapped for a cold snap. We used this brief respite from gales and driving rain to check out another local walk that we’d so far ignored: Kildoon Hill, near Maybole.

The route started out in the town, and ordinarily this would have given Beanie & Biggles plenty of chances to sample the discarded food wrappings left over from the previous evening; on this morning however the litter was proving very difficult to free from the icy pavement, and our two furry roadsweepers had to make do with a couple of frozen poos (poosicles, as I call them).

It was so cold that even the local doggy water station was out of commission

After a little while we left the town and headed out into the Ayrshire countryside, getting our first proper look at Kildoon Hill and its distinctive monument.

Just before we turned off the road onto the path up the hill, we encountered something I’d never seen in a rural setting before: pigs. There were only two of them, and they had to share their field with a load of sheep, but they each had their own personal abodes which more than anything else resembled big dog kennels.

At first our two didn’t know what to make of these creatures, and quietly sniffed away while the pigs themselves trotted over to take a look at us. It was kind of fitting that Biggles should finally meet a pig; ever since he was a pup we’ve jokingly referred to him as “Bigglet Pigglet” because of the grunting and squealing noises he makes when he picks up a scent and gets excited. He didn’t do any pig impressions this time however, and he only managed a half-hearted woofing once he was sure that the fence would protect him.

The “climb” up the hill was very gentle, but sadly we were denied the chance to reach the summit and check out the monument due to a herd of cows. While sheep are pesky and get Beanie & Biggles worked up, they do at least scarper once Beanie unleashes her hunting voice. Cows on the other hand are a very different matter. In fact, cows are officially the most lethal animals in the British Isles. It’s kind of a statement about Britain that while other countries have iconic, vicious predators like alligators, lions, and deadly spiders and snakes, we’ve just got herds of surly burgers-on-legs.

Still, by dodging the field full of cows were able to rejoin the circular route without skipping too much of it. The only other hazards we encountered from that point on were prickly gorse bushes, marshy fields and a stile or two. By the time we reached the town, everything was thawing and Beanie was finally able to help herself to a discarded paper napkin soaked in finest Maybole street gravy.

This may not be the most elegant way to get a Beagle over a stile, but it works.

The break in the weather continued for a day or two, but on the morning I was due to give the pups a run on the beach we were back to battling against 40mph+ winds and near-horizontal rain. Beanie & Biggles enjoyed it as usual (windy weather is always fun if you’re a Beagle) but I was much less enthusiastic about the return of the stormy stuff.

Having loaded the pups into their car crates after the run, I collapsed into the driver’s seat and sat for a couple of minutes until I could summon up enough energy to buckle up and drive us back home. While I was still recovering, a small bus parked up next us. It belonged to an excellent little charity that gives mentally disabled kids and adults regular outings, but boy had they chosen the wrong day for a trip to the seaside. Not only were the occupants of the bus about to get soaked and sandblasted by the weather, they were also going to get a double Beagle arrffing of biblical proportions. The very instant one of the visitors exited the bus, our car erupted with howls of Beagle protest and alarm.

Scientists have established that dogs are very good at recognizing human faces, and it stands to reason that they’ll also spot when a person’s expression is somewhat different from the norm. Unfortunately while many dogs choose not make a song and dance about it, certain dogs – specifically Beagles called Beanie & Biggles – like to shout the place down and get so agitated that the car they’re in starts to rock on its suspension.

Now thoroughly embarrassed as well as knackered, I started the engine and made as quick an exit as I could, with my two PIBs still howling away in the back.

Wax on, wax off

Posted on December 6, 2015 by Paul

I’m happy to report that with the exception of the bombsite that is my desk, our house is clean & tidy and ready for Christmas. It hasn’t been at all easy to get it that way however.

One of the things we’ve had to struggle against is the weather. Ever since the UK’s Met Office decided to start naming storms, we’ve had a rapid succession of ’em. Storm “Abigail” threatened to tear off part of the fence at the bottom of our garden and created a lovely muddy paddling pool for Beanie & Biggles, who naturally did their level best to bring most of it into the house.

Another named storm decided to strike on a day when we had a beach run. Trying to run against a 60mph headwind is pretty taxing in itself, but it’s even harder when the two Beagles you’re holding are struggling to get over to a large dead cow the tide has just washed in. When we finally got back from that one I honestly don’t know who was wetter and muckier – me or the Beagles – but I had zero energy left for house chores. Or at least, that was my excuse.

Of course the other agents of chaos working against our Christmas preparations were Beanie & Biggles themselves, especially when it came to sprucing up our furniture.

After enduring so many damp, dirty Beagle tummies and bottoms we felt it was time to treat our leather seats to a bit of yuletide TLC. Following extensive online research I purchased a tub of “Renapur Leather Balsam”, and was impressed at how this waxy substance immediately softened, restored and protected the leather, just as promised in the advertising blurb. I was less impressed when another of its attributes came to light – something that had been mentioned neither in the advert nor in the scores of positive reviews on Amazon. Specifically, it’s really, really tasty. So tasty in fact that the instant a human rubs into a leather surface, a Beagle tongue sets about removing it.

In our house Beagle bedtime is announced by the phrase “Who’s ready for final wees?”
No matter how tightly wrapped in blankies they are, or how deep asleep they seem to be, Beanie & Biggles will always come running for this phrase because they know that after they’ve taken care of business in the garden, they’ll get tucked up in their crates with a dental chew. After all, what could possibly be better than getting a dental chew in your private den?

Well, obviously Susan’s homemade chicken soup is better, because that makes the two Bs wail and woof outside the kitchen in anticipation. And getting a dollop of natural yoghurt on their kibble is better, because that makes it really difficult for them to sit still in a “wait” when their bowls are put down. Also, a cube of dried fish skin has to be pretty darn good because it makes Beanie & Biggles tolerate me brushing their teeth. Come to think of it, quite a lot of things are better than getting a dental chew in one’s crate, and Renapur Leather Balsam is clearly one of them, because the other night when I said the bedtime phrase, only Biggles showed up and I found Beanie getting yet another wax-licking fix from the sofa.

Let’s just hope that Beagle saliva is good for leather, because there’s bugger-all chance of keeping any of that wax stuff on it!