It’s Just Routine

Posted on December 7, 2012 by Paul

Beanie & Biggles like routines.

There’s the morning routine, where they get let out of their crates to have a snuggle with us in bed before we all get up.

Then of course there’s the mealtime routine. Very popular this one! The two of them wait impatiently outside the kitchen for nosh to be served up in their bowls. Once the food-maker emerges from the kitchen, Beanie immediately runs to her allocated spot in the hall and sits down very neatly. Biggles tries to do likewise, but more often than not feels the need to make a single jubilant “boing” (bouncing jump) at his bowl first. Once they’re both in position there’s a ten hour “leave” exercise (that’s ten hours in Beagle time, or about 5 seconds in human time) before they get the “OK” to tuck in.

At the end of the day there’s the bedtime routine, comprising of:

toothbrushing (which is tolerated, more or less, in return for a cube of dried fish skin from Fish4Dogs),
a trip into the garden for a final loo visit. Although he’s now 4 years old we still have to remind Biggles to “do his business” as he trots out of the door for this, otherwise he forgets what he’s being sent out to do and we end up having an emergency repeat loo visit during the night.
the presentation of half a Dentastix each in their crates. They race each other into their crates for this, charging over, under or through anything that’s between them and their bedtime treat. Once in their crates, Beanie sits dutifully in the middle of her bed but Biggles, again overcome by excitement, has to keep sticking his head out of the crate for a quick peek to make sure that his treat is coming.

Now however there’s a new routine for them to master. It can come at any time of the day, but is always signaled by the words “What day is it?”. Yep, we got a doggy advent calendar from The Beagles Bakery.

The calendar’s made of fabric, with a little pocket for each day in the countdown to Christmas

The pockets smell good..

Really good!

But this isn’t a “help yourself” deal! You have to wait for the humie to do all the fiddly ribbon removal

Then you have to wait again for the tasty treats to be removed from their cellophane wrappers. Ideally this wait is done in a sit, but sometimes it just smells so good that.. well, BOING!

Buckets, Booties & Bonkings

Posted on November 23, 2012 by Paul

Recently I saw a 50-item doggy “bucket list” making the rounds and wondered how many things Beanie & Biggles had already covered. Let’s see…

Flop down in front of a roaring fire
Nope. Haven’t set fire to anything (yet)
Swim in the sea
Tick! Though we’re only prepared to do this if sufficiently motivated, e.g. if we’re chasing a bird or a horse
Play in the snow
How can you live in Scotland and not have done this? Tick & Tick & Tick!!!
Dig up a flower bed
Biggles is a bit behind the curve on this, but Beanie’s a past master. Anything that gets planted in our garden has to be heavily protected by fencing otherwise little Miss Brown Paws will certainly rip it up.
Redecorate a room using the “Beethoven” technique
Sadly this is a fail for both our two, but Beagles don’t really have the right kind of fur to do this properly. However, Beanie likes to rub herself along the skirting board when she’s mucky, and Biggles has stripped the paint off some of our cupboards with his attempts to open them. Does that count?
Have your own spot on the sofa
Come on, they are Beagles after all. Tick. Obviously.
Accompany owner on a run
This is a regular fixture for Beanie & Biggles, though they have to run on lead due to uncontrollable naughty tendencies
Attend a family picnic
This item doesn’t specify whether the picnic belongs to their own family, or some other one. Fortunately however you interpret it, they’ve got this one covered.
Help owner get a date
Nope. If a Beagle manages to get a date or any other kind of fruit, said Beagle will simply consume it on the spot instead of sharing it with their owner.
Lift owner’s spirits on a bad day
Tick. Beagles are natural entertainers! What’s more, Beanie always comes running with her tail on turbo wag if either of us ever gets injured. After all, an injured humie is less able to protect their pockets from a good rummaging.
Visit a different continent
Does a trip to Arran count?
Roll in a really mucky puddle
Nope. No self-respecting Beagle would want to roll in a puddle! But a roll in fox poo or a rotting sheep carcass? Now you’re talking!
Ruin a pair of shoes
Tick. But why stop at shoes? Socks, pants (inner and outer), coat pockets, gloves, rucksacks, the list goes on…
Sleep in a humie’s bed
Tick. Every morning.
Wake owner with a big wet kiss
Beanie & Biggles don’t really do kisses in the traditional doggy sense, but Beanie likes to prod our faces with her nose, and Biggles once left a wet ring of anal gland juices on my t-shirt (while I was wearing it).
Chase a cat during a dream
Cats, sheep, socks and postmen have probably all been dream-chased by our two.
Learn “sit” in a foreign language
No, but food is a universal language. Pull out anything tasty and their bottoms will hit the deck (but probably not for long)
Join in a humie’s football game
Not yet, but Biggles in particular has the necessary skills thanks to his Trieball training.
Meet a famous dog
Yes, kind of: http://www.flickr.com/photos/27172079@N08/4823945831/in/set-72157624447787375/
Have a go at dancing
They’ve both had a go at Heelwork to Music, and Beanie’s even dabbled in Poopwork to Music
Convince your owner you can howl English words
They’re hounds, but they haven’t really done any howling as such.
Get filthy within 30 minutes of a bath
What’s a bath?
Howl along with your favourite song
Does baying over the sound of the TV count?
Ride in an open top car
Nope. And if they ever do, they’ll be in their harnesses and strapped down tight, ‘cos they are certainly daft enough to jump out of a moving car.
Learn to skateboard
No skateboarding, but they can balance on a gym ball reasonably well!
Have a personalised Christmas stocking
Of course they have. And soon they’ll have their own advent calendar..
Give the postie a righteous woofing
Pfff! What self-respecting Beagles hasn’t?
Be a ring bearer at a wedding
Seriously, you’d trust a Beagle not to swallow the ring?
Try to follow a squirrel up a tree
I think our two are secretly afraid of squirrels. Any time they’ve crossed paths with one, they’ve made a point of pretending not to notice it. Oh the shame…
Go to work with your owner
If that were to happen, it would be immediately followed by a P45
Have your own presence online
You’re reading it!
Romp though a forest
If a heavily wooded park counts, then yes.
Have a personalised kennel
They’ve even had one built to their own specifications
Ride on a boat
Yes, although the seating arrangements left something to be desired
Play frisbee on the beach
Tick, though we did chew it a bit.
Receive your own birthday card
Biggles has, and it was edible!
Steal someone’s lunch when they’re not looking
Biggles waits until you’re not looking, but Beanie doesn’t care, she’ll just shock-and-awe her way to an extra lunch
Watch the washing machine for a whole cycle
No, but Biggles has nicked socks from the tumble dryer
Eat doggy ice cream
They’ve had doggy beer, but not doggy ice cream. Have to see what we can do about that…
Create a diversion and steal another dog’s dinner
Who needs a diversion?
Run a doggy marathon
No marathons, but they’ve done plenty of 5Ks and 10Ks
Receive a doggy birthday cake
Of course!
Rip the stuffing out of a pillow or cushion
Bizarrely, no cushions or pillows have been lost so far. It’s a very different story for duvets however.
Unwrap birthday presents
And Christmas presents too!
Watch Lassie on TV
Lassie? Who wants to watch a film about a Collie with gender confusion? Underdog is the viewing choice for the discerning Beagle!
Be in a family portrait
Scores of ’em
Have an argument with your own reflection
No, in fact Beanie & Biggles have never shown any interest in their reflections. But Biggles has often had a conversation with his own echo.
Be a regular at the local pub
They have been in a few pubs, but we never take them back to the same one. You can probably guess why…
Star in a YouTube video
How about this and this? Tick!
Sleep in a posh dog hotel
Well, they’ve been in a hotel that allows dogs. I don’t know if you’d call the Travel Inn posh though. It certainly wasn’t posh after our visit!

There are a few things missing from this list though:

Eat human poo? Tick!
Shred a phone book?

Tick!
Almost swallow a used tampon? Tick!
Eat half a kilo of grapes without chewing a single one of them, then vomit the whole lot back up on the floor of the emergency vet? Tick..
Witness a sunrise from the top of a mountain? Tick!
Manage to chew and lick a damaged pad on your rear foot no matter what size of “lampshade” collar you happen to be wearing?

Tick!

That last one was accomplished this week. Biggles turned what was originally a little graze on a pad into an open wound by incessant licking and chewing, so we broke out the posh blue Elizabethan collar we’d used on Beanie just a few weeks before. It denied him access to his foot for maybe two minutes before he found a technique for defeating it, so I took him to the local Pet Shop to get a bigger one. We ended up with the second largest size – the biggest one that could still be tightened sufficiently around his neck, and yet within a a couple of hours he’d worked out how to beat that too. As a fallback I’d also bought a little strap-on doggy boot so I put that on him too, hoping that the combination of the lampshade and the boot would keep his foot safe. Wrong! He stood there with his foot raised, looking very sorry for himself, and when I eventually coaxed him into taking a step with it the movement can best be described as a cross between Michael Jackson doing the “moon walk” and John Cleese in the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch. Seconds later he’d somehow pulled the boot off, so epic failure there.

With the pad wound steadily growing in size we finally took him to the vet who gave us a highly effective cream and an even larger “lampshade”. This one would look fine on a Labrador, but on Biggles it’s positively huge and he doesn’t allow for the extra clearance it needs when he’s walking. Whenever he’s on the move in the house it’s “BONK! BONK!” as he bangs into things and knocks them over. What’s more, he’s still managed to get at his foot a couple of times even through the collar, but it’s held him off just enough to let his foot heal. He’s now back to walking outside, albeit with a thick coating of Musher’s Secret on his pad for protection.

Remember Remember The Fifth of November!

Posted on November 8, 2012 by Paul

When Bonfire Night comes around we generally get the dog walks done early – before nightfall – to avoid the fireworks. This time around our main walk was really, really early, as in before 5am, and our destination was The Cobbler!

Having walked up The Cobbler (or Ben Arthur, as it’s also called) for sunrise once before we knew it would be very cold up there, so the day before our climb we headed out to Mountain Warehouse in Ayr to get more warm clothing. Mountain Warehouse welcomes dogs so of course we took our two monkeys along for the ride. We were hoping that maybe Beanie could advise on the warmth and softness of fleecy jackets, while Biggles – with his extensive nibbling experience – could be our sock expert. Unfortunately neither of our clothing consultants were much use; Beanie just kept mugging the staff for treats (which were not forthcoming BTW) while Biggles seemed to be overwhelmed by the shopping experience. He has a totally sock-driven view of economics, so when he wound up surrounded by socks in the shop it must have been like a human finding himself in a room filled with stacks of gold and diamonds. With so much wealth on display, where to start?

Fortunately we managed to get some useful new gear without any assistance from the tailed members of our party, and by 4:45 on the 5th November we were on our way up a mountain. Sunrise was due around 7:35. Ordinarily this would have left us with ample time to reach the top before the sun appeared, but we were blissfully unaware there’d been heavy snowfall in the area over the weekend. On the lower sections of the route snow on the path had melted then refrozen making things rather slippy. Higher up, the snow was still thick and soft. This made for surprisingly good grip but concealed the path, making each step an adventure. Sometimes you’d find a solid chunk of rock just under the surface, other times you’d sink right up to you thigh in the white stuff. If it was hard going for us, it was even tougher for the two short arses we had with us. A couple of times Biggles nearly submerged up to his ears and I had to lift him out by the handle on his harness and put him onto more solid ground. Nevertheless, somehow we made it to the central summit just before sunrise.

A brief moment of contemplation before the sun shows itself

I put on Beanie & Biggles’ coats as soon as I could put down my rucksack, but the sun appeared before I had time to put on extra layers myself. As often happens, it actually seemed to get even colder & windier when the sun first rose! Within a few minutes I was fighting to control my shivering and my hands were almost too cold to operate the camera. The shots I got however, were well worth it!

Soon even our ~~hardy~~ pampered Beagles were feeling the cold so Susan deployed our Vango “bothy in a bag”. For a while I stayed outside taking shots, but that big orange bag kept drawing my attention. It frequently changed shape and I could hear strange munching noses coming from within it, occasionally punctuated by Susan saying things like “Beanie get out of my rucksack” and “Biggles get off Beanie’s head”.

When I couldn’t take the cold any longer I sought refuge in the shelter and finally got to see what all the commotion was about. Beanie had found a snout-sized opening in Susan’s rucksack and had chomped her way through a substantial number of cheesy biscuits, while Biggles was desperately trying to make a bed in the snow even though Susan had put down our waterproofs for him & Beanie to sit on. Even when he’s on good form Biggles is the most hopeless bed maker in the world; he frequently ends up lying on the plastic base of his crate in the car, with his chin just about resting on his ruckled up vet bed. I mean, how hard can it be to just get in there, circle a couple of times and lie down? Anyway, up on the mountain he kept making rings in the snow then, on discovering that even brushed snow is still cold, he seemed determined to try to sit on Beanie. Sitting on one’s volatile sister is rarely a good idea, but doing it while she’s trying to snaffle more cheesy biscuits is just plain suicidal. Fortunately no argument broke out and with both Susan and me in there, some semblance of order was eventually restored.

Once I’d warmed up a bit I grabbed a couple more shots of the “eye of the needle” rock structure, and then we packed up and turned our attention to thing we were both dreading: the return journey.

The needle structure, with the moon still visible in the upper right corner

A peak through the “eye”. How anybody manages to clamber through that and climb to the top of the structure is beyond me. One slip and its 900 metres down, the fast way!

Amazingly the journey back down wasn’t the nightmare we expected it to be; if anything it was easier than normal, provided we steered through the fresh snow to the side of the path. Beanie & Biggles loved bounding through the white stuff, and as the sun climbed higher in the sky we could at last feel its warmth.

By the time we reached the last of the Narnain boulders most of the snow and ice was gone, we’d taken off our extra layers and Beanie & Biggles’ coats were dangling from my rucksack. If we’d have known about the snow beforehand we probably wouldn’t have attempted the walk. As it was, we’d seen The Cobbler at its very best, cloaked in snow, and were on our way home to stuff our faces and sleep through the fireworks with clean consciences (not that Beagles ever have any moral concerns when it comes to eating and sleeping).