Never let a Beagle make your coffee

Posted on May 20, 2019 by Paul

We’ve just bagged our first mountain sunrise of 2019 on Beinn an Lochain in the Arrochar region.

It was our second visit to this vertically challenged but unusually steep hill; as before we drove down on the evening before our walk, parking up near Butterbridge. Initially I was keen to set up directly in the Butterbridge car park but I soon changed my mind. For one thing, the parking area has become a bit of mess due to ongoing roadworks, and for another Butterbridge itself has seemingly become a popular site for wild-camping drunks. We ended up in a quiet layby which was actually closer to the start of our walk.

Butterbridge with Beinn an Lochain behind it; sadly not quite as peaceful as it looks in this shot!

I’d planned to head off at 3am in the morning, so at 9pm I called it a night and began to prepare our bed. All I had to do was pull out the rear seat, put a bit of air in our two inflatable bed rolls and zip two sleeping bags together et voila: one bed ready for use. How hard could it be? In practice the procedure was a bit more complicated than that because I had assistance from The Bigglet. He’s always fancied himself as a bit of a bed-making expert despite the fact that his efforts usually turn any comfortable-looking napping surface into a lumpy misshapen mess. The instant I unfurled the bed rolls and tried to blow air into them my lungs had to overcome the resistance of 13 kilos of furry Beagle boy, and when I tried to zip the sleeping bags together I had to wrestle the other end of them out of his lordship’s mouth. Beanie just watched the whole thing from the driver’s seat, making occasional sighs as if to say “uughh, boys!”. I did eventually get the bed made and got the three of us settled in it, but my slumber was punctuated by an occasional kick in the nethers when Biggles had one of his more active dreams. When 3am came it was kind of a relief.

The lasting impression from our previous walk up Beinn an Lochain was that it was a shorter climb than most other hills, but a really intense workout. Maybe last time I’d been so keen to beat the sunrise that I’d rushed the ascent, or maybe I’ve got stronger and fitter since then; either way, this time around the climb up didn’t seem nearly so bad. We hit the top with enough time to have a drink and celebratory treat then hunt out a good spot to catch the rising sun. This turned out to be just below the summit, where the steep ridge we’d just climbed was in clear view.

It’s counter-intuitive but sunrise on a mountain is usually accompanied by an abrupt if short-lived drop in temperature; this time however the hilltop just got warmer and brighter. It was absolutely glorious up there, but pockets can only hold just so many treats; all too soon we ran out of Goodboy Chicken Hide Twisters and the furry sherpas got rowdy, forcing us to begin the descent.

It was on the way down that my glutes and quads reminded me that Beinn an Lochain is in fact still quite the workout; I was very glad when we finally made it back to the van. I dealt with the high priority items first: two bowls of Chappie and fresh chilled water. Once that had been speed-swallowed I was able to attend to my own needs, and I had a treat in store…

Yes, I’d seen a flavored coffee in our local Aldi store that carried my little girl’s name and I just had to try it. Unfortunately this coffee really did taste like it had been made by a Beagle. As I took my first sip I was immediately reminded of that scene in the second Austin Powers movie where our hero fills his cup from the wrong jug.

I haven’t had the heart to tell Beanie, but the contents of her little jar has been quietly replaced with something more palatable. If your Beagle ever offers to make you a coffee, I suggest you politely decline – unless you like your beverage to be “a bit nutty”.

What the Romans did for us

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Paul

In Monty Python’s Life of Brian a character called Reg (John Cleese) asks: “Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”

Well now there’s evidence to suggest that they did something else of note: they created the conditions necessary for the development of the Beagle in Britain. Next time your socks get modified with nibble holes and that cup of hot chocolate you put down a few minutes ago isn’t just empty, but suspiciously clean, don’t blame your Beagles – blame the blummin’ Romans!

Now I’m not suggesting that it was the Romans themselves who selectively bred the naughtiest dogs they could find until they eventually produced Beagles. That’s absolutely not the case! However it would appear that they brought rabbits to Britain, and in doing so they set us on a path that ultimately resulted in the creation of the rabbit’s nemesis: the Beagle.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/apr/18/ben-fur-romans-brought-rabbits-to-britain-experts-discover

On paper Beagles certainly should be good rabbit/hare hunters; they have world-class sniffing gear and they’re remarkably agile, persistent and resourceful. I have to admit that Beanie possesses these traits in abundance…

Unfortunately I have my doubts about Biggles; he does well enough with the kind of rabbit that’s stuffing-free and has a big squeaker in its head, but when he’s in the presence of the other kind – the kind that can move all by itself – he just keeps his head down and avoids eye contact.

Could it be that he’s afraid of the real thing? Perhaps another quote from Life of Brian applies here..

Biggles: He’s not the messiah of rabbit hunting, he’s just a very naughty boy!

Respect the hoof!

Posted on April 14, 2019 by Paul

His Biggleship has had a bit of a rough time lately. It started with the return of his acid reflux problem that he first experienced a couple of years ago. When this takes hold in dogs it often produces sudden regurgitation of acidic bile. Biggles’ reflux is generally pretty mild and if I spot the more subtle symptoms early then a few little doses of cider vinegar in his meals banishes the problem before the regurgitation happens, often for months. This time however I was slow to recognize the early symptoms and he had a big watery vomit, some of which he apparently took into his lungs. The next day his breathing was shallow and fast – even when sleeping – and it was obvious that something wasn’t right. We took him to the vet and came home with a week’s worth of antibiotics to guard against the possibility of aspiration pneumonia. Happily the treatment turned him around, and by the fifth day his breathing rhythm at rest was once again deep, slow and hypnotic. It’s long been the case if that if one of us cuddles up with him in front of the TV, his restful breathing noises quickly put us to sleep; thus far I’ve made two attempts at watching the latest Star Trek “Discovery” episode with Biggles, and in both cases everything between the start and end titles was lost to the Land of Nod. Admittedly Star Trek Discovery isn’t the most riveting of programs at the best of times, but I still think that Biggles’ snoozy sighs are to blame for my TV blackouts.

Just as he recovered the full use of lungs, Biggles managed to cut the pad on one of his front paws. It seems to be typical of my boy that he’ll make a big fuss over something trivial like a twig fragment caught between his toes, but when there’s a genuine injury – like an actual cut pad – he plays the stoic hound. In this case there was no raised paw, no worried licking or three-legged injured soldier routine, just a slight reluctance to go on walks and – if I looked really closely – a very slight limp. I only spotted the cut when when he was curled up next to me on the sofa! Fortunately we always have a tub of Musher’s Secret in our doggy medicaments box, so the situation is in hand.

I felt that my little boy probably needed a little perking up after these two incidents, and when browsing the shelves of our local pet shop I found something new: filled hooves!

Yes, they look gross…

…but boy do they taste great!

Beanie and Biggles are well-used to getting filled bones, but this was their first time with filled hooves. The stuff in the hooves seemed to be tasty enough, but both of our pups were even more interested in the hooves themselves. Even now, long after every last molecule of filling has been licked away, both our furry types are content to hunker down and have a long, absorbing chew session with them.

Disgusting though they are to look at, I have to say that penny for penny these hooves provide way more chew time than any filled bone, cow ear or toy they’ve tried in the past – except for maybe the legs of the kitchen table. Respect the hoof!