We’ve often mused over what career Biggles might choose if he were human. Rocket scientist / brain surgeon would be unlikely, but he’d be a natural as model. As a fireman, his remarkable peeing ability would let him put out fires even when no water supply was available. Sadly though, I think there’s only one role that really suits him: bouncer. He’s certainly been practicing his repulsing skills this last week or so. Our gas boiler’s been on the blink, and each Scottish Gas engineer brave enough to try to fix it has had to get past our little tricolored doorman.

Sorry mate can’t let you in, yer far too casual

The first three engineers got the standard “not with those shoes” patter that’s used for the postie and milkman, but the final guy got the harshest reception ever. Biggles watched him from the lounge window, becoming more and more insensed as he approached the house. When the man came in there was a woofing of biblical proportions, then Biggles charged towards him, completely forgetting about the closed baby gate barring exit from the lounge. There was a loud thunk! followed by the sound of ringing metal as Beagle bonce met tubular steel. The lower part of the gate was unseated from the door frame by the force of the impact, but Biggles himself was undazed and continued to woof, whine and bay at the poor engineer. Even Beanie joined in on the act. What had the guy done to deserve this? Well as far as I could tell his main crime was growing a beard. If there’s one thing that can really wind up Bouncer Biggles, it’s a beard. Or someone with a bicycle helmet, or an umbrella, or the wrong color of jacket, or a flapping carrier bag, or.. well let’s face it, the list of things that can set Biggles off is extensive, but this time it was the beard.

When the engineer disappeared into the utility room to do battle with our boiler, Biggles felt the need to burn off his frustration in a “harring” session with Beanie. What’s harring you may ask? Well it’s a noisy squabbling/wrestling match that begins with two open mouths pressed together and the sound of helium-breathing pirates.

Haaarrr!!

Quite what the gas engineer thought was happening when he heard all the crashes, bangs and wailing coming from the lounge is anybody’s guess, but against the odds he restored our boiler to health and emerged triumphant from the utility room only to receive a further irate woofing. After he’d gone Biggles had seen him off, the two woofers had a hectic play session in the garden to round the day off.