What bounces like a soggy tennis ball, smells like a fish and looks like a poo gone wrong? Answer: the “cake” I made for Biggles’ sixth birthday.
I’ve always been a crap cook, but it seems I’m even worse at baking. I don’t even know where I went wrong. I had two world-leading experts in bakery consumption check my preparations at every stage, and they gave their seal of approval every time. In fact they would have been quite happy to have the cake even before I flung it in the microwave and nuked it (and isn’t that how all the best baking is done?)
Sardines, an egg and some flour. How hard can this baking thing be?
Please can I have it now Dad? Please?
Let me have a quick taste Dad. Just one small lick, I promise.
In fact when we had the ritual bowl lick-out while the microwave was running, I had a bit of a struggle preventing the Birthday Boy from running off with it into the garden. And yet, despite all these promising signs, the actual cake ended up looking like a sickly Labrador poo with a cowpat stuck on top. Fortunately that’s exactly the kind of thing Beanie & Biggles love to eat, so it went down rather well.
Another thing that went down well was Biggles’ birthday present. Meet Ally, a two-and-a-half foot long cuddly alligator with an incredible 16 squeakers and – just like a real alligator – a rattler in his head.
Ally is quickly unwrapped..
And after a tentative first examination, play begins!
Is Biggles actually trying to impersonate his new toy?
He must be, because that’s definitely the “death roll” he’s doing there.
So it looks like Ally’s a big hit with my boy, good enough to rival the squeaky monkey he got for his last birthday. The same unfortunately cannot be said for Beanie’s “unbirthday” present. If you’ve seen those crinkly, squeaky “Noah” owl toys in your local supermarket and wondered just how tough they are, wonder no more.
Beanie means business – this owl is in for a testing time
Two minutes into play. Already there’s a rip and the white stuff is being extracted..
Looks like nurse Beanie has lost another patient. But at least she’s harvesting the viable organs for a possible transplant.
That’s the squeaker accounted for; now it’s time to deal with the crinkly stuff – just like the crisp packets that Beanie likes tearing up!
The owl’s toast and Beanie’s just getting warmed up! Never mind Beanie, you can always have another slice of my poo cake