One the face of it, Monkey has it made.  He’s got a fun sister to play with…

.. a big garden to run about in, and Beanie & Biggles’ entire toy collection to play with. He does however have one big problem: everybody and everything is out to get him!

There have already been multiple attempts on his life. When the humies take his pack to the beach – ostensibly to let Beanie & Biggles do some resistance training in the water – it’s really about bumping off the Monkster.

Help! They’re trying to drown Monkey – it’s Monkeycide!!

When food is being handed out he’s always last to receive it, and he’s sure that his humies would happily let him starve to death if he didn’t make such a fuss. Come to think of it, the only way he’s stayed alive so long is through constant vigilance and willingness to make a fuss. And he certainly does make a fuss. Sometimes when I leave the room he becomes convinced he’s being abandoned (even though Poppy, Biggles and Susan are usually still in there with him), and there’s crying and howling. When Poppy gets a chew and won’t give it to him, that’s Monkeycide too and there’s crying and howling. There was even more crying and howling yesterday when he was, for a time, genuinely abandoned and in potential peril.

One of us forgot to double-bolt the gate at the bottom of the garden, and at some point it became unlatched and swung open (a body slam during play might have done it). Two inquisitive little Beagles (well, one of them is little, while the other is shocking large for his age) snook out through that open gate and embarked on their first ever off-lead adventure. I had my head down working in some other part of the garden at the time, and when I finally came up for air I looked around to see what the pups were doing. This is always a good idea because Monkey and Poppy are often engaged in unsanctioned activities, like using the tops of our compost bins as a trampoline until eventually there’s a ripping sound.

Oops.. did we do that?

..And do you think Dad will notice?

Anyway, I saw no pups but I wasn’t immediately concerned; maybe they were hiding round the back of some taller plants, or maybe Susan had let them into the house. I checked the concealed areas of the garden without success, and in doing so I became aware of our neighbor’s dogs barking intently at something. I was about to go inside to look for them when my gaze landed on the open gate, and the penny finally dropped: they’d escaped! I raised the alarm with Susan, grabbed a pair of leads and ran off to hunt them down. The neighboring dogs were still barking, so I got the idea that maybe Poppy and Monkey were close by.  I ran up towards the nearby farm which affords a decent view of the strip of land running at the back of our garden, but then in the lower field of the farm I spotted Poppy. I called her and being a mostly good little girl she ran straight to me. As I wrestled to get her on lead and past the gate that stood between us, I heard Monkey ‘s “Help! It’s Monkeycide! ” howling, but this time it was much more desperate and higher pitched than normal, and I feared that he’d hurt himself. Thankfully that turned out not to be the case; even before I’d secured Poppy, Monkey emerged from the tree line and sprinted across the field towards us. He was clearly fine physically, but genuinely scared at being abandoned not only by his humies but also by Poppy, and I’m not sure who was more relieved when I got a lead on him.

The attempts at Monkeycide continue, but Monkey has at least worked out a way to prevent Poppy from getting away from him ever again.

With 16 kilos of Monkey on top of her..

.. Poppy ain’t going nowhere!